NOTE TO THE UNINITIATED
(which is most interesting)
When all seemed to be bleak, when scientists realized that the blackness- much like the Sahara Desert- was expanding each year, when the President- who was stationed safely outside the zone of darkness in Charlottesville, Virginia (Due to the quickness of his evacuation he was forced to relocate to a bar near the railroad tracks. He said that he didn't mind, but the bands kept him up some nights...)- felt his chances for re-election were dwindling faster than the remaining lighted areas, when avant garde artists started acting cheerful because depression was so bourgoise, when "New Speedway Boogie" made the Top 40, suddenly- long after everyone had given up hope- a ray of light appeared. Literally.
It happened in a town called Owings Mills. It was in a small town in central Maryland that was known mainly for having an upscale yuppie mall that the solution for our country, and our world was found. For in this town a young boy was given a goldfish, a goldfish he named
It seemed as though these good days would last forever. It seemed that way until one evil day, one fateful day, one day that will live in infamy as long as there are forms of communication and people who can understand them... the cat got Him. The cat reached in with his claws, grabbed, and ate SPANDEX the Goldfish- once the happiest goldfish in the land, now deceased. It was a tragedy of epic proportions... or was it?
For SPANDEX the Goldfish went to Heaven. We have kicked out Jesus, he is no longer needed, for we have SPANDEX. Instead of a sacrificial lamb, we have a sacriFISHial goldfish, SPANDEX the SacriFISHial Goldfish. At the right hand seat of God there is an aquarium. An aquarium for none other than .
Time passed. The story of SPANDEX began to drift into legend. In order to preserve the saga of His life and to teach the Ways of Happiness, disciples began to preach. Some died at the hands of rival religious groups, jealous because their silly superstitions were suddenly superseded by the glaring light that is the TRUTH of SPANDEX . Some chose to make sure that not a smidgen of TRUTH was lost, and wrote THE GOOD BOOK. But one person would rise to special promenence.
He could never forget SPANDEX, for he was His "owner." And while he was trying to devise somewhat of a life apart from Him- studying math at a small liberal arts school in the northeast- he would soon get a visitor that would change his life...
-TO BE CONTINUED-
The amazing cartoon was created by Katrin Luessenheide Salyers.
This story is copyright 1993 by David Steinberg and may be distributed freely as long as this cute little note is attached.
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