SPANDEX's Return

(part the eighteenth)

I wanted to scream at my friend's father, "Look here: the aliens are threatening to destroy the planet, you're the only one who knows how to make the fuel to take them home, and you don't even care!" However, I was restrained from doing this by a post-hypnotic suggestion that the aliens left. I realized that I would have to cut a deal or something.

"Hey," I said, "for reasons I can't go into due to a post-hypnotic suggestion, it's highly important that I have access to your fuel formula. I am willing to make some kind of exchange. What's your price?"

"I thought you would know," he replied, "for is it not written in your own so-called 'holy book' that information may only be exchanged for information?"

I looked upon him with new respect. Not only could he quote THE GOOD BOOK but he had memorized one of the most obscure passages in it. However, he did not have the all-important working knowledge of it that I did. I asked him if he was willing to do what THE GOOD BOOK commands.

He nodded. I knew he wanted specific information from me. After all, he knew that I possessed secrets that could tear apart the whole SPANDEXian religion. He went to the bookshelf to grab his copy THE GOOD BOOK. I opened it up to the relevant section- the Book of Pi 22:7. I read the verse: "Due to its sacred nature, information can only be exchanged for information. Only in cases involving the Import/Export Act of 1873 or rocket fuel shall be exempt; in such cases the information shall be given away for nothing. Any person found in violation of this shall be stoned to death with mules."

Stunned, he turned to me, verified that the quote was accurate, and gave me the secret. Instantly the information was forwarded to the aliens. I walked out to the ZZYZXmobile. I wanted to test out the voice-activated-hyper-quick-ZZYZXgear. As I turned it on, a voice from above suddenly said the password to activate it, "Here we go!"

I found myself inside a cave. There was an inscription on the wall. It was in the shape of a star with the outer boundary erased. Yes I was on a quest to find The Missing Link


This story is copyright 1997 by David Steinberg and may be distributed freely as long as this cute little note is attached.

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