SPANDEX's Return

(part the third)

I sat there for a moment, trying to regain my confidence in my mission, when all of a sudden there was a burst of thunder. Rain in the desert? I turned my head to see, only to be overwhelmed by an incredible brightness. It was another sign, for as it is written, "In the end days, the earth will be brighter than the sun." The odd thing about this is that despite having an absolute magnitude of -47, you could look directly at this manifestation. And at the center of the glow was SPANDEX, grinning ear to ear. He looked at me and winked, then he pointed his body such that it was facing northeast. In fact if you started walking in a straight line in that direction, you'd wind up in my room. It was a message that it was time for my travelling to approximate a continous function. Yes the discontinuous route was faster, but in these end times the weirdness would be everywhere. There must be someone heading cross country to bask in its glow. For after all, the weirdness energy will be an important weapon in the battle that lays ahead of us. I headed out, thrilled by the fact that what seemed to be an act of pure vandalism (the destruction of the ZZYZXdrive) turned out to be a touch from the Holy Ghostfish.

Driving down the road, I was grateful that I adapted my car in ways other than the ZZYZXdrive. Using some of those formulas supressed by the oil companies, the ZZYZXmobile can go up 4,716 miles on a single gallon of gas . Since I had just filled up a year ago, I knew I could make the trip with fuel to spare.

I was driving around the outskirts of the desert, singing along to Plum(b) Awful's excellent version of "Taco Suzie, My Love," when I saw a sign- "Pay Toll- 1 Mile," it said. A toll booth in the desert? How odd. Three quarters of a mile down the road, I learned the awful truth:

Mojave Toll Booth

Passenger Cars- 1 life.

Trucks- 1 life per axle.


This story is copyright 1995 by David Steinberg and may be distributed freely as long as this cute little note is attached.

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