# SPANDEX's Return

## (part the sixth)

Crusing down the highway, cranking up 3 is a Magic
Number, OMAR explained to me where we were going. It was a town
called Lusk, Wyoming in the far eastern part
of the state. This place was one of the 12 focal points of power on the
planet. All of these are owned by some religion. In fact, because
59.17% of the population can feel the power from them, most religious
cults (Some people call these cults by such names as "Christianity,"
"Judiasm," "Islam", etc. The ** truly ** enlightened
amongst us know that only the CHURCH OF SPANDEX can claim to be a true
religion. No other body of dogma can explain as fully man's true role in
this hostile universe. As THE GOOD BOOK says, "Happiness, as SPANDEX was
happy, can only happen when we are as SPANDEX. This then disgresses into
174 pages of how to be like SPANDEX without going through the hassles of
sprouting fins or developing ataste for fish food. This is one of the
most crucial and misunderstood sections of THE GOOD BOOK. But I
digress...) originally formed at one of these sights. At this important
time in history, it was vital that all of them be possessed by
SPANDEXians. This one was said to be occupied by a crazed mathematics cult.

When we arrived I discovered that if anything, these reports were
understating the case. Littering the town were statues of Gauss, Euler,
Godel, and other famous mathematicans. Stereos were blaring the Ode to
Andrew Wiles. In the very center of the town there was an altar that had:

2 2 2
a + b = c

carved on it. "Where's Fermat when you need him?" I muttered under my
breath.
Sighing I went to deal with the priests.
There was a service in progress. "Why is this series different from all
other series?" Before I could find out the
answer I was challenged by a rather muscular man.

"I think you are an impostor." He signalled for some of his fellow
guards to surround me. There was no escape. "If you really are one of
us, prove it. Tell us what you know of the sacred theorems."

Feeling a bit nervous, I went through the proof of the first theorem I
could think of. I gave the classic proof of the irrationality of the
square root of two. This is an extremely elegant proof using the Proof
by Contradiction method. Surely this would show them my good intentions.

The guards looked around, stunned. Finally the guard who first
confronted me spoke. "That proof is secret. Off with his head!"

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## TO BE CONTINUED

This story is copyright 1996 by David Steinberg and may be distributed
freely as long as this cute little note is attached.