SPANDEX's Return

(part the fifteenth)

I figured that I had about 30 seconds to curse my enemy before the plane crashed into me. I just wanted to think of the worst possible thing to shout at my enemy in defiance of her treachery. I looked up at the plane and wondered if I should curse him too. All of a sudden he waved to me and pulled out of his decent. While I was trying to figure out his motive, a flurry of flyers fell from his plane. I grabbed one and read it: "ZZYZX- A Baker's half dozen is 7, 6 1/2 is a half bakers dozen. TOTOA." Wow, not only was my life saved , but my earlier quandry was answered. Life is just a bundle of Smurfs. [Speaking of Smurfs, I had a dream about them the other night. I was taken to the very heart of Smurf Mountain. While Gargamel tried to drop an atomic bomb 86 times more powerful than the Hiroshima bomb on the smurf population, Papa Smurf- in his role as Santa Claus- was up to the challenge. An entire Smurftegic Defensive System was set up in such a way that not only would it destroy the incoming bomb, but it would actively deter Gargamel from future attacks. This did cause a creation of an anti-war movement amongst the Smurfs led by Smurfette and Brainy. Jokey, reasoning that anti-war Smurfs are unpatriotic Smurfs, eliminated this threat to the Smurfdustrial military conplex by giving them a wrapped surprise box that exploded when they opened it. This killed 23 Smurfs (including Clumsy and Farmer) but, argued Jokey, they were probably Commusmurfs or some such thing. This dream was based (very loosely) upon the Smurf Mountain ride at Kings Dominion. I highly recommend going there but one had better be very smart. The last time I was there, everyone was wearing T-shirts telling me that I wouldn't be able to follow the reasoning of the shirt. I didn't get it...)

As I began my walk back to my room, I noticed a sort of commotion around the world famous Rhinecliff-Kingston Bridge. Being a good citizen, I went to see what was causing it. It turned out to be the annual senior class march into the Hudson. This processional was neatly divided into two groups- those who were stressed out about their jobs and those whose projects were going just fine, but were stressed out about graduating and finding a job. While this might be fun to watch (usually most of Red Hook manages to attend), I had no desire to join in. Unfortunately, that is exactly what happened. I was swept along with the crowd towards the watery maw of the Hudson.


This story is copyright 1997 by David Steinberg and may be distributed freely as long as this cute little note is attached.

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