SPANDEX's Return

(part the fourteenth)

Book 2- "It's the missing link between matter and energy"

I went up to my room, happy to be back on campus. I found scrawled on my door the question, "Is a baker's half dozen 6 1/2 or 7?" Ah, something to mull over as I merged with my doppleganger.

Now I'm sure that many of you have been wondering how I managed to pass my classes while I was wandering around the country for the better part of a semester (at least you should have been wondering if you had been reading the footnotes). Way back when I first left, SPANDEX created a mock ZZYZX. He would take all of my classes, do all of my work, and otherwise pretend to be me. However this is- of course- a violation of the Anti-Mocking Principle. SPANDEX managed to find a way around this universial principle, more proof of His infinite wisdom. You see the pseudoZZYZX was "programmed" to find me when I returned, at which point we would merge together; "I" would have all of "his" memories. The best example of this phenomena is those cartoons where one ski goes one way around a tree and the other another. Only this time it was all too real.

After the merger was complete, I decided to explore the campus. It's amazing what a 7 month absence will do for your appreciation of the Annandale community. The first thing to do, of course, was to check my mail.

Oddly enough there was a message from Campus Mail. It was from an old enemy inviting me for a walk. Our battle revolved around the creation of the First SPANDEXian Church of Annandale. I wanted to convert the chapel for that purpose, but she had some silly idea about having an equal time program or some such nonsense. Doesn't she understand that this is THE TRUTH? By presenting lies on an equal footing with statements from THE GOOD BOOK, it gives them a false sense of legitimacy due to proximity to the eternal veracity of SPANDEX. Anyway, her asking for this walk was a good sign. Perhaps it could indicate a softening of her position. Maybe she would now be willing to face reality as opposed to living in her empty world of lies and hate that opposes the only real hope for the teeming multitudes.

Our walk led us to the top of a hill. She seemed to avoid talking about the Real Issue at hand. Suddenly she pointed up at the sky. I could see a plane overhead, but not much else. She pushed me down to the ground and I rolled over... just in time to see the plane barrelling towards me.


This story is copyright 1996 by David Steinberg and may be distributed freely as long as this cute little note is attached.

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