SPANDEX's Return

(part the twenty-second)

FRESCA's revelation shocked me to the core. SPANDEX a cat? I have no objection to alternative realities, but this one smacked of heresy.

We headed north towards Washington. There was a big rally there. FRESCA told me to park at the Metro station and we took the subway to the Capitol.

I asked her why she wanted to come along. She said that the answer was contained in her holy book, THE FONT OF ALL WISDOM. She handed it to me. It resembled a 3 subject spiral notebook. Flipping through it, I saw many topology and real analysis theorems. Finally though, she pointed to a page. On it was written the following:

"There will come a day when all is dark, the sun will shine but shed no heat. On this day when the Lion, the Eagle, the Dragon, and the Aardvark have all met, then and only then will this prophecy be fulfilled."

I looked at her, confused. What relevance did this have to me? She explained that the symbolism of this passage meant that one day someone would come from an alternative universe where SPANDEX is the name of our savior and deliver us from the tyranny that we live under. I understood completely. All holy books are the same- it is only the symbolism that changes.

We arrived at the rally. All around me were people holding up placards with cats on them. I had stumbled onto my worst nightmare. FRESCA looked over at me expectantly, as if I would automatically know what to do. I did not want to disapoint her.

The crowd was also expectant. Looking over to the stage, I saw why. A speaker was walking up to the microphone. I heard the opening words: "Are you an epic story teller or are you just monic depressive. Injective, surjective, bijective. Isomorphism, homomorphism, heteromorphism? Are you closeminded or just closed and bounded? Does Gauss heat cheaper than Euler?

I had heard enough. I knew he was the anti-ZZYZX and I knew I must defeat him. I ran towards the speaker table to activate my plan.


This story is copyright 1997 by David Steinberg and may be distributed freely as long as this cute little note is attached.

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