SPANDEX's Return

(part the ninth)

The next few months passed quickly. I had newfound power because of my rebirth in SPANDEX and I had to learn how to properly use it. For example, suppose some secular type were to come up to me and start mocking THE WORD? You know the type. They come up to you sneering and say something like:
"We know people don't have souls. (Can you point to anything that I do and tell me that that comes from the soul? I knew you couldn't you stupid Goldfish Junkie.) Now you're trying to tell me that your cute little Goldfish has a soul. Not only that but you say that this Goldfish has the ability to make me happy? It's people like you that ought to be locked up..."

Now what is the correct way to deal with this obviously deluded individual? In the old days I would have argued with him for a while and then left, smug that she was going to fry. When presented with this exact attack 8 days after my rebirth, I tapped the main line of POWER and blissed out, ignoring her. Which approach is correct?

The answer, of course, is neither. In the first case I would have argued with her, but my motive would have been anger. I was scared to have my beliefs challenged. Arguing with that motive is not likely to convince anyone. In the latter case, I was avoiding the issue altogether. The correct way to react is to tap the line, feel the POWER, have your faith renewed, and then argue. Not argue out of an attempt to silence things you don't want to hear, but rather argue out of a desire to let another human being feel the same bliss that you just did. If SPANDEX teaches us anything, it is that happiness is meant to be shared with as many people as possible. If we cannot use our advanced Sense of Happiness to help other people achieve our bliss, then what good is it. Mind you this is not the same thing as telling you that you are responsible for other people's unhappiness. Everyone is ultimately responsible for their own state of mind. However, if we can be a force for spreading happiness, we should be that force. Force not used is force that is non-existant.

Don't worry if you didn't get the right answer. It takes some time exploring the POWER before you come up with such subtle ways of using it. After the aforementioned event (the one where I just blissed out) I found a note under my windshield wiper from TOTOA that gave me a clue to discovering this method.

At this point I'm sure that some of you are shaking your heads. How can anyone be expected to learn these things if even I have to be guided by TOTOA? Well in the first place, living in SPANDEX is a learning process. There will always be people more firm in the faith than you and you must be able to learn from them. For some, however, that is not enough of an answer. "Who is this TOTOA and how come you know him?" they cry. Some people have suggested that he is really a part of my subconscious. To those people I say to think hard about who TOTOA is and how one would go about contacting such a font of knowledge. If you are true to yourself and if yourself is true to the universe, you too will understand how to get in touch with TOTOA. TDIU! GRIFF-HO!


This story is copyright 1996 by David Steinberg and may be distributed freely as long as this cute little note is attached.

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